A guilty pleasure is something one enjoys and considers pleasurable despite feeling guilt for enjoying it. I don’t really feel particularly guilty when I venture out to do something. I will “namnam” every minute of it giving zero fucks as much as possible. But I’m not all that confident in this world, am I?

Thinking about today’s topic brings me back to that one time where I thought it’s going to be the end, just because we felt like we were not able to make it for the ROYALTY(?) seats for what was “The Red Bullet in Manila”.

I remember so clearly, we were not able to get a call back for a day or two. After rounds of phone calls, emails, and all that jazz.

And a tear just fell. Call me dramatic, but it felt like I was stabbed multiple times in the heart. Also, this was way before my trip to Korea. So I’m just that desperate to be inches away from the boys, especially the main man.

Essentially, I cry. A lot. Like a lot, a lot. No shame in that fact. I tend to really cry it out. For the reason that I don’t want to go all grudge-y and all that dramatic shit. Then I sleep. Like sleep it all away, in the hopes that when I wake up, everything will go better.

In times where I feel like I am still sane enough to write, I write. Write as much as I could. Write whatever is in my head. And just… go with it. You’ll never know where pain could lead you. It could be dark and scary, but at the same time it has an end. End being the light in the dark. 

*INSERT KILIG LALINE HEREEEEEEEEE*

I actually have a draft ready for this post. But I figured I had to scratch that and write once again.

Since I stumbled upon this topic, in all honesty, I never really think of what my worst fear really is. I may have an issue with seeing seeds, lizards, huge bigger than my thigh-size kind of rats, vegetable, and seeing Seokjin with some girl. But those were fears that could actually just pass me. I could be okay once I get over it.

And thinking about it now, I guess one of my considered worst fear is growing up. I'm lucky to have been raised good by my parents. I had bad and good friends along the way, but not really have the ones that could lead you to a hell hole.

Recently, I have come to realize that most of the people around me are starting to act like an actual adult. Not that I have a problem with that, it's their lives. I am open with change. But sometimes I get the pressure of actually acting like one too. And it's really hard for me to keep up. Not that I'm being such a bitch about it. But these individuals tend to throw away some things in their lives that were actually light and fun. They tend to avoid these things whenever I bring it up that I am left in this place where I get this thoughts of pressure. You can't help but think if you should let go of this part of me as well, because this person did.

But then again, note to self... that person decided that on himself. It's not you, it's that person. If that person decided to avoid that part from now on, so be it.


I may be a little childish at times, when it comes to my interests.  But those are the things that helps me cope. All these parts of me, that has the inner child in each part, they make me. If majority of the likes of me let go of their inner kid, let them be.

As for me, I guess I just need to stop thinking about the pressure. Thinking about the norms. This is who I am. I am Laline. I love collecting toys. I love having cute stuff around me. Korean culture (music, tv show, movies, dramas) makes my stress away. Watching Youtube videos are a part of my everyday routine. I have a toy named Jiwo who I bring with everywhere I go, no matter how hard the circumstance is. I have lots, and lots of things to say. And those things, I won't let go of. Regardless if people close to me let go of theirs.

I’m only seventeen.

Beautiful, popular…

Actually, that was all I could remember. And oh! Ketchup. Lots and lots of ketchup all over my pastel pink blouse and skirt combo.

I was surprisingly a very active kid during my early school years. Despite my anxiety problems, I was able to perform well. And one of those was declamation. I was the resident English reader in our class, for they like it so much for some reason. And since I had no choice but to go with it. I went with it. Then the next thing I know, I got offered to be my batch representative for this declamation contest in our school.

I remember training so hard, each and every day with my class adviser. Like a play actress gearing up for her big debut. We were so serious about it, that I even sacrificed myself by smearing ketchup all over me. After that I became the Ketchup Girl in school.

No regrets though, I got the first prize. That ketchup got me good. 

Last day of May, 2014. We needed a break. And a remote island without electricity, phone service or wifi is what we all needed.

Hello internet, and hello Laline. Great job on “trying” to do something for once. /snorts.