I tried so hard so many times, and I still come up with the same thing over and over. I’m gonna stop you here, and tell you now - this is not a happy post.

You could say I’m being petty. But I’m just not in a good place at all.


2016 was a mixbag of things. And everything about it still frustratingly hunts me. It still feels as if someone pushed me off of a cliff and was laughing to her heart's content, seeing me roll down from the peak of the mountain called life. So dramatic, I know. I hate it when I over-romanticize things too.

But when you think about it each and every waking day of your life - it’s not dramatic or romantic anymore. It’s scary. Frightening to a point where you feel like there’s no light at the end of the dark tunnel called the present.

I tried so many things: reading, watching, resting. I’m trying to do everything to not feel empty. But each and every time I do - the weight and pressure of getting out of my grim situation always find its way to take a toll on me. And I end up back to zero - on my bed, trying to sleep the miserable away.


Don’t get me wrong, I still do believe that I’m luckier than most people. But at times of listlessness, it’s hard to recall that fact most of the time. With this post, I guess we could call it a pledge, or challenge to self - that somehow after this post I’ll be able to get the motivation to re-new myself. Be better. Be not who I am now.

And I do hope so, I really do.

2017 is another challenge you are to face, my dear. It’s already the second month of the year.

Keep moving forward.